Raphael and his Sensei
by Mushmallow62
Summary: Raphael is thinking over his temper and how it could be such a risk for his family, those he is try to protect. Splinter offers some advice and some basic truths that Raph never thought of.


He was always known as the hot head, the strong one, _meathead_ as Donnie always called him.

He was the one with the rage and anger that would just burst out of him and he couldn't control it. He was the one that everyone was afraid of, even his own brother's feared him and he _hated _that. His brother's shouldn't fear him, yet he understood why they did.

Although Master Splinter was the only one who wouldn't show fear to him as his temper reach it's peak and would always suggest calming ways to sooth the temper back down, yet he just couldn't get it. Meditating just didn't work for him, he couldn't calm his mind and just _be_ with the world, he had too many thoughts running around his mind to make it work for him.

_Maybe I am just the angry one._

Although that wasn't true, Master Splinter even told him so; "You are the most emotional of all your brother's Raphael,"

"Sensei, what..." He began to ask, but the rat brought his hand up to silence him.

"Your rage and anger, aren't meant to be negative," He began and knowing that it confused his son he continued; "When you feel emotion of any sort they come through as anger, because that is the only emotion that you know how to deal with. If you were to let any other emotion show through you are convinced that your brother's would think you weak and they would look down on you,"

"But sensei, to be a strong warrior..."

"Is to be aware of all your emotions," He explained; "That does not mean you should become blinded by the other emotions, but to be aware of them and appreciate them,"

"Sensei I... I don't think I can," Raphael admitted; "I don't think I _can_ change... Part of me thinks it's because I don't want to change; but another part thinks it's because I know that if I _do_ change it will change everything, and I can't let that happen,"

"So you would rather have your anger and rage?"

"Of course not, but my anger and rage helps me to protect my family," Raphael sighed and bent his head, unable to look him in the eye any more; "I might not have any leader qualities, I am not completely at one with myself and I know I am not that smart, but I do know that I am good at one thing; protecting my family... No, I am good at protecting people I care about," He felt Master Splinter's hand on his shoulder, though he kept his head down looking at the mat beneath his knees.

"You will never have the knowledge of Donatello, that is what he loves and does it because it brings him joy. Leonardo leads because he has the natural ability and he enjoys being in control, that is what he has always been, ever since you were all young," Splinter smiled at the memory and so did Raphael, who slowly glanced up to see Splinter looking at him fondly; "And then you have Michelangelo, we have always seen him as being more in touch with both sides of himself. None of this is something you should see yourself lacking Raphael," Splinter told him; "That is just their own nature, as your own nature is with being physically strong and always ready to face any challenge to protect those around you. You might not always make the _right_ choice, but you make a choice that you believe in at the time, you learn more from making heart-felt decisions than trying to analyse them,"

"Sensei I... I just feel like this isn't right. I could kill someone with my temper,"

"You only fight with your brother's because they back down from you, when you are angry around me?"

"I can't," Raphael looked back down again; "I know that you are stronger than me, you have the experience. I might be a meathead but I'm not an idiot,"

"So if your brother's had more experience?" Splinter asked him and Raphael looked up at him, his eyes wide in horror and he laughed; "None of your brother's could compete with your skills in ninjustsu,"

He slumped, the tension leaving his shoulders as he realised what his sensei was trying to put across from him; "Really?"

"You aren't always focused, you must remember that anger clouds the mind, you need to try and keep your mind clear before you make a mistake that you will later regret,"

"I know,"

"And I know I am lecturing Raphael, but it is important that you understand that your rage, that berserk rage that overtakes you, can be deadly,"

"I know, I _know _that. I know that if I become _that _angry I will lose control, I will become the thing that I never wanted to be..."

"My son," Splinter finally spoke; "You can calm yourself and see what makes you lose control of your temper to such a degree that you lose all sense of self,"

"I don't know..."

"I believe it is because you are the most sensitive,"

"But..."

Once again Splinter held his hand up to silence him; "You are always trying to be so strong and tough, but it is always something so minor that they say that will set you off to threaten them,"

"How..."

"Your brother's don't mean to make you angry, they only mean to tease you, yet you are rather thin skinned in that case,"

"I... Guess," He sighed and admitted it out loud, it wouldn't lower him in his father's eyes at least; "Maybe I am thin skinned,"

"It is not always a bad thing, but your family are the one's you should be protecting, that you _want_ to protect them. To fight them to such an extreme as you have tried to do isn't helping in any way,"

"I understand, I'm... I'm sorry,"

"You don't need to apologise for who you are. Just focus on bettering yourself, as much or as little as you can,"

"I will,"

Splinter nodded and sat down next to him, Raphael noticed that he was beginning to meditate and decided to follow his lead, after all he had nothing more to lose.


End file.
